How to Have a Happy Marriage

In societies where divorce is socially acceptable more than half of the marriages end in divorce. In societies where divorce is not acceptable more than half of the marriages are unhappy marriages. Yet most people get married with the intention of staying happily married. What can you do to turn that intention into reality?

A life long happy marriage is very possible if you remember and apply the seven keys to a happy marriage.

#1. Remember Why You Married in the First Place.

In years gone by many people married for the simple reason that they were expecting a child. In today's society contraception is a simple matter and it is also socially acceptable in most countries to have a child without being married. Therefore I think it is reasonable to assume that most people who marry today actually want to marry.

Most people marry because they are happy with their partner and they believe that they will be able to stay happy with their partner. What is it about your partner that you find so attractive? What are his or her good points?

Everyone has their good points and their bad points. When you are focused on your partner's good points it is easy to maintain respect for them and to overlook their bad points. But once you stop seeing their good points then the bad points will loom up to become your major focus.

Keep yourself focused on your spouse's good points and you will not be bothered by their bad points.

#2. Go to Bed Together and Get Up Together.

Research has shown that couples who are happily married tend to go to bed and get up together. It also shows that when a couple has to keep different sleeping patterns, because of their employment for example, then they are far more likely to drift apart emotionally.

#3. Find Common Ground on Your Attitudes to Money and Your Attitudes to Sex.

Sex and money are the two biggest topics of conflict in marriage. They are two important, and potentially emotional, aspects of day to day life and people often have very different points of view as to what is right and desirable.

If you can find common ground in both these areas then you can minimize the chance of you getting into a heated argument over these potentially contentious issues. Be willing to talk to your spouse about these issues. Respect each other's points of view and find ways that you can both be happy in these matters.

#4. Listen to Your Spouse (Active Listening)

Perhaps the most frustrating and emotionally distressing experience a person can have is to be ignored. When you ignore someone you are sending them the message that they don't exist in your mind. Not existing is even worse than being worthless. Treating a person as if they don't exist is the greatest insult that you can give.

When you don't listen to someone who is talking to you then you are treating them as if they don't exist. If you are in the habit of doing this to your spouse then you are firmly planting the seeds for serious marriage problems.

Unfortunately most people are poor listeners. In reality most people are far more interested in what they are saying than in what the other person is saying. These bad listeners tend to be thinking about what they are going to say next rather than on what the other person is saying to them.

If you want to keep a happy marriage then develop the habit of actively listening to your spouse. Active listening is a skill whereby you let the other person know you are listening by asking an appropriate question or making an appropriate reinforcing comment.

#5. Find and Keep a Common Interest

What common interest do you have with your spouse? If you have an interest in common then you have a good topic for regular communication and this can be a basis for keeping the friendship in the marriage. Marriages that last and remain happy are marriages where the spouses remain great friends as well as marriage partners.

#6. Keep Romance Alive

Do things to keep the romance alive in your marriage. Put aside some regular time to go out together without the kids and without your friends and family. Keep the fire of romance burning by doing the types of things that courting couples do.

For many couples the courtship ends with the wedding. If you keep the courtship alive in your marriage then you will keep your relationship fresh and alive as well.

#7. Don't Put Ego Before Happiness

Most arguments are caused by ego. One, or both, of you refuse to admit that you could be wrong or that there could be another valid point of view. Here are a few simple areas where it pays to park your ego and put your relationship as a higher priority.

- Don't be too big to admit it when you are wrong.
- Be big enough to apologize when you are wrong.
- Always settle an argument before your go to bed.
- Never say anything that you might wish later that you'd never said.

Try using the seven keys in your marriage and you will find that your relationship will be strong and happy.


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